I need to make more changes. Seems as though I have done more modifying of self in my middle years than at any other time in my life.
I am so not into feeling betrayed by those I am attempting to help any longer. My union steward days are numbered. I was such a damn Polly Anna. It's nuts. Why on earth I thought I could make a difference in a segment of the world that is over-run with political maneuvering and back-stabbing, is beyond me. What the hell was I thinking?
So now, I begin to move on. I probably will lose some "friend ships", which makes me feel sad. But I will probably gain peacefulness and lose a major batch of life wrecking anxiety.
Like I've said for many moons, " I am a great supporter. I am not a great leader" nor do I want to be.
"I yam what I yam" as the great philosopher Popeye once said.
I read a lot. Books, magazines, Internet .... and I believe that I see a disturbing trend. People are becoming more and more judgmental.
In this enlightened / post hippy / everybody thinks they're so damn intellectual age -people are becoming more judgmental. of other people not less. I find this disconcerting to say the least.
And some of these people , if you accused them of being judgmental , they would vehemently deny it. but they are.
The hottest topics that I see this activity in are :
The trend is that if, say, I don't agree with your pursuit of spirituality or your political ideology, it isn't just a matter of " hey Dude, we really have different approaches here " ( smiley face , warm fuzzy feeling still intact )
Nope Daddy-o it becomes an "I'm right and you're wrong" match that occasionally will include name calling and almost always includes escalated voices.
I've seen some pretty sad results of said matches too.
This would be the place where I would normally interject that this is all part of the plan. The dream or the matrix if you will, that our friends in control and their henchmen (read folks at CNN and Fox News etc.) are attempting to weave to distract us from what may truly be important and what we truly may have control over.
But I'm not going to. Even though I think it's true.
Part of the reason I think this is such odd behavior is because I would think that any of these people would get the concept that you catch more flys with honey than vinegar. You know? It doesn't make sense to alienate someone whom you are supposedly wanting to move to your side. Do they think they're going to just "hate" the other guy into agreeing?
Or, even more annoying, this full of themselves 'I'm so intellectual ' types that adopt the patronizing attitude of , like , well what do you expect, he/she really isn't all that bright. Peee- yuke!
If I say anything about this stuff in real life, then I become the object of all the nauseating attitudes out there. Swish, all eyes turn towards me along with all the associated poison and ridicule. *sigh*
so I mostly don't say anything. I decided to tap this out here because I feel safe and hardly anyone besides me reads it anyway!
so he's gone. Will much change? I doubt it. My constitution is still dead too. That's what bin Laden stole from me. Well, that and a Jimmy Buffett concert. I miss the constitution most. (the Buffett concert is my personal loss from 9/11. Fairly minor it turns out, in the grand scheme of things. At the time I was pizzzzzzed!) And truthfully, if we'd had a real president during the attacks of 9/11, my Constitution might still be in better shape. So really, Bush is as much to blame as bin Laden, if not more. Still... I am glad he's gone. I hope it helps to bring closure to the many , many people the world over that have suffered so much loss because of his actions. It won't bring their people back, but perhaps they will feel a sense that justice has been served in some way. So now, can we please bring our troops home. Can we please just cut Israel a giant check and tell them to budget it well. That this is the last one? I'm tired of my country sticking it's nose in places it not only doesn't belong, but is decidedly not wanted. Fracken oil. That's has to be the real issue. Money changes everything as Cyndi Lauper once sang. Well ... I hope something else will be on the news soon. Obama will probably lose the election because he won't release the photos. I saw somewhere that Palin was criticizing Obama for the way things were done to take OBL down. She probably wanted to take her moose gun, or what ever it is, over there and fill him full of holes herself. I'm so sick of that brainless wench. Well, so it seems that really I'm just purging my personal irritations here. I try to not discuss this kind of thing with hardly anyone except Richard. Too inflammatory, and I can't take it when people get all wound up over crap they have no control over. so...if somehow someone ends up reading this, consider it my place to dump my personal feelings. Let's start trying to make this country a place that's fun to live in again. Like when Ford invented the Mustang. And Leave it to Beaver was our reality TV.
Oh what a Grand Tale! and Grand Tale must be capitalized. This book has been likened to stories such as "The Old Man and the Sea" "Robinson Crusoe" and others, but for me it was much like reading Grimms Fairy Tales. It was a wonderful, captivating, awful, sad, delightful, compelling, horrific ..story. I was like a fish on a hook. I thought I could try just a taste, but nibble after nibble and then suddenly SLAM! the hook was set, I was caught unawares and I couldn't stop. Oh and I did want to more than once. Stop that is. Sometimes it became just too much, but those non-stopping times were the times I put away more pages than ever. I won't bore myself and anyone that may read this with a "book report", but I will say that although one reviewer said that this book would make you find God. I do not agree with that assessment. What it will do is restore your belief in the power of story telling. Because that's exactly what it is. Powerful , awesome story telling. I loved this book!
I am reclusive. I have figured this out, although everyone else probably already knew it, over the past eight weeks that I have been almost exclusively in my house. I don't usually seek out human company. I don't like to be in large groups. The whole deal makes me feel odd. I wonder, if left entirely to my own devices what on earth I would turn out to be? A hermit? I don't like bars particularly, weddings, bar mitzvahs, funerals, Wal Mart, amusement parks. I do OK in a concert environment I think, because you're actually only required to interact with the music. Everything else is optional. I do OK at work because I have always kind of thought of my work persona as a role of sorts. Like I'm on stage. I think that's why I never called Suzanne , a customer at work. I'm not sure if I'd be able to take on a different role with her. It feels so intense. And I'm chicken. I do like to garden. Read. Take photographs. Edit photographs. Do crossword puzzles.Take walks. Play with my dogs. All things that are primarily done on one's own. Wonder what I'll be like when I'm old?
Losing my blogging mojo. I recently read that phrase on another blog and I totally get it. I feel as though I have nothing to say. Never-the-less I am going to say a few things because I'm here. I stopped in to update my book list. That seems to be the only purpose of this space. I keep track of the books I've read. Not a total loss actually because I do tend to lose track and pick up books to read that I've already read. Bad memory I guess. I have been stuck in this house since Dec. 27th. Phooey. When I set out to schedule this surgery, Deb (Helus, my co-worker) asked if I was sure that I wanted to do it in the winter time. If I wouldn't prefer the warmer seasons so I could get out and about. In retrospect I see the wisdom in that. I have been stuck inside a very great deal due to the crummy winter weather we've had. I don't know what the snow fall totals are so far, but it's a BUNCH. However, that being said, I was missing a ton of work because of shoulder pain (primarily because it would keep me awake all night and I wasn't fit for working the next day. Even with my new later hours). and I was running seriously low on leave time, which I would need if I hoped to get a paycheck during my recovery period. I will be going back to work ( hopefully successfully) on March 1st. If it doesn't work out I will have to resubmit paperwork and see what happens. I am completely out of leave. This next week is on me. It's so odd to have Richard and I both off work with no money coming in. We have a bit of savings and the hope of his lawyer pulling in some kind of settlement for him soon. The settlement will be used to pay off the credit card debt we've incurred over the last months. SO, in a perfect world I would have had shoulder surgery during the summer or fall months to allow me a little more entertainment. Even just going for a drive or sitting outside would have been nice. Still, I'm glad to have it over with and happy to be heading out of the whole ordeal. So, I did have a couple things to say. Not terribly interesting, but there it is!