Tuesday, March 31, 2009

on being trapped

From this title one could think that I'm going to go on now about poor me being trapped in the house caring for my husband.
Actually quite the opposite is the case.
When my world became smaller, after Richard's accident, my needs also became smaller.
And I've begun to realize how our culture "traps" us into thinking we need so much.
Advertisements, peers, etc..
I think we tend to buy into it and start thinking that we can't possibly be happy if we don't have such and such. Whatever it may be. Gadgets, the "correct" job, certain relationships.
Then pretty soon.... voila, we aren't happy.
I remember some years back, I had a Basal Cell Carcinoma removed from my face.
Richard and I discussed it and decided that since it was outpatient surgery done under local anesthetic, he didn't need to take off from work and go with me.
I was content with that decision.
Then, after the surgery was over and I was released, the nurse was ready to help me leave and she asked me who had come along.When I told her "no one" that I was here alone, she became visibly sympathetic. Her pity for me was palpable. She wheeled me out to the exit and stood there while I walked to my car.
As you can imagine, by the time I got home, I was feeling quite sorry for myself.
Poor Me! I had a skin cancer removed and my husband didn't even come along!
After several hours of dark self pity, I remembered that this had been a conscious decision. I had been fine with it until the nurse started feeling sorry for me. She made me feel like I had a need.
It's that kind of thing I've been thinking about.
I get it with my car too. At work mostly.
God Mary! Your car is 14 years old! Oh my god! It has a dent in the fender. Kinda got a noisy fan belt too.
I don't fall for it though.
Big deal. It runs. Every single day. The heater works, the air conditioning, the brakes.
Hell, I'm happy!
Besides, I'd really rather have a new camera!
(hah! a weakness!)
and no new debts.
So really, not that I don't enjoy finer things in life. I think I'd rather regard them as the finer things and not as needs.
I prefer being thankful and happy with my world.
Not trapped into other people's ideas of what I need.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


So.... 3/9/09, Richard fell from 14 feet to a concrete floor.
These are some of the things I've learned so far.
He's very fortunate to be alive.
We're very fortunate that he's alive , and not only that, although his injuries are numerous,none of them are life threatening and he will recover , maybe not to exactly 100%, but darn close.
Capable doctors and nurses make everything more bearable.
I need peace and quiet when I am under additional stress.
Mindless activities help me cope.
My kids are the greatest people on earth ( this should have been listed first! definitely!)

I am one lucky girl.

Monday, March 2, 2009

March is hopeful

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day,
a fresh try , one more start,
with perhaps
a bit of magic
waiting somewhere
behind the morning

JB Priestly